My Best Friend Sherlock Is Dead
by JustPlainAmy
Summary: "You … you told me once … that you weren't a Hero. Umm… There were times when I didn't even think you were human, but let me tell you this. You were the best man, the most human ... human being that I've ever known and no one will ever convince me that you told me a lie, and so ... there. I was so alone ... and I owe you so much. warnings inside


Hey every body as much as I'd like to say this is exactly what John said that would be a lie... the begining speach is word for word what john said all the rest is how I though this episode should have gone... especially with my insanly strong desire for Johnlock to be Cannon...

Warning :smut (wonderfully pointless smut) mentions of suiside and corse language

Disclamer: I own nothing and if I did this most defininetly would be cannon

I love you all and I hope you like this but in all honesty critiques are welcome, but flames will be used to toast my delicious Wildberry pop tarts have a nice day :D

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"You … you told me once … that you weren't a Hero. Umm… There were times when I didn't even think you were human, but let me tell you this. You were the best man, the most human ... human being that I've ever known and no one will ever convince me that you told me a lie, and so ... there. I was so alone ... and I owe you so much. But please, there's just one more thing, one more thing, one more miracle , Sherlock, for me, don't be ... Dead. Would you do that just for me? Just stop it. Stop _this…"_

The grief was crushing worse than when he found out Harry was drinking again, worse than it ever was when Mrs. Hudson was shot. It even worse than when he saw dozens of friends, colleges, and young men die around him in Afghanistan. He would take that all a thousands times over if someone could just bleach the god damn image of Sherlock falling from the roof out of his brain, it hurt so much, it was so terrible.

He couldn't move away from the spot in front of Sherlock's grave, couldn't pull his shaking hand away from the words that were so big and bold on the stone so...** _permanent _**he hated the coldness of it all. The lack of people at sherlock's funeral, only himself and a few other that didn't particularly know Sherlock... Bringing back unbidden and now almost bitter tasting memories, he could remember his words as if the were only spoken yesterday.

_"This is what I said before John and I meant it, I don't have friends... I've just got one"_

That single remembered sentence tore down what was left of the broken and cracked dam in his head. Just like always Sherlock got to him like no one else ever did not his therapist, not his other friends... For the first time since he saw Sherlock jump, he broke down. Loosing control of his legs, pain rearing it's ugly head as John collapsed down to his knees now thanks to his useless legs.

Burying his face in his hands he was helpless as a sob after sob shook his body, He'd lost the one thing that grounded him, kept him from going mad, gave him love in the best and worst ways as a friend, for god sakes he's lived the past to years of his life hoping for the love of a mad man. This thought made a little hysterical giggle burst through his lips. only he could fall for someone who was so broken, just as alone as he was, but no seeming chance of returned emotions.

After a few minutes the heaving sobs slowly left his body pain filled tears still insistently streaming down his face, yes now he knew he was a little hysterical. Hysterical at the thought of the man he'd been falling for, for the past 2 years of his life. The thought of going back to baker street their flat, seeing little touches of Sherlock everywhere in things he hadn't moved, he really couldn't do it. Staring at the horrible tombstone he let a little of his anger brush over the tight control he usually kept it locked in.

"You bastard, how could you... damnit how could you do this to me? Please Sherlock, dear god why was it- was it something, could I have helped?" ever word he spoke shoved himself farther and farther back into his own little corner of blackened despair. It was a place he hadn't visited since he met Sherlock so it seemed fitting almost now to return to the depression, the brokenness only this time it was so much worse he never got to tell him- to tell the selfish bastard that he... that he loved him...

Another sob returned full force his entire face now wet with a disgusting bit of snot dripping from his nose, sniffling a bit he rocked back off his knees and onto his ass staring at the dirt covering his friends casket. well here goes nothing, nothing better to prove you've gone completely bonkers than to confess you love to a dead man.

"Sherlock, God- I miss you so much it hurts... it hurts that I never got to tell you about the one thing you never deducted about me... well at least I don't think you knew and if you did you probably just brushed it off anyway." Bringing up a hand he wiped away some of the wet mess that had become his face in the past hours unsure of how he was even living because despite being a doctor and knowing it wasn't possible, he could swear his heart was in pieces at the bottom of his rib cage.

" Bloody hell Sherlock, you never gave me a chance to tell you… how I- that I love you, what I wouldn't fucking give just to see you again tell you even if you just acted like your usual, 'I have no feeling so yours won't effect me' spiel... I'm going bonkers without I'm not sure I can do this. I feel like I'm stuck running in place without you'' a cold breeze raked over the prone man forcing him to huddle into his jacket shielding away from the chill. Fuck, he couldn't stay there... but he couldn't wouldn't go back to the flat... maybe crash at Lestraud's place... yeah that sounds good.

Getting to his feet he couldn't ignore how much his leg hurt... damn he had forgotten his cane, the walk to get a cab was going to hurt more than he believed he was willing to take right now. He was right, unfortunately, half way across the yard he felt his leg go with the force of the pain rushing through making him grimace into the hard ground. Even when the pain receded to the usual awful ache he could not bring himself to stand.

He must have been laying there for less than 5 minutes when he felt a warm had grip his shoulder lightly shaking him while the other took his pulse, the person didn't speak and John didn't even bother to open his eyes it was probably the caretaker.

"Please just leave me I'll be... fine in a moment" eyes still tightly closed he shied away from the touch of the man who had yet to speak but seemed to relax once john had spoken. He was about to tell the man again he was fine, physically at least when the nameless person spoke so softly... so familiar sounding that John's eyes snapped open, widening impossibly when he caught sight of dark curls and a navy blue scarf tied smartly around a pale neck.

"I'm so sorry John... I'm so sorry but I had too, your reaction had to be real... but if it's any consolation I love you too?"

The statement was voiced in a question, in front of him was undeniably Sherlock every part of him, every wonderful fantastic part of him was warm and _Alive._ He didn't give himself a chance to react properly or to question Sherlock and get properly angry... He was just was completely overcome with the last four words. Lunging forward he pushed the taller man down onto the grass, John had the urge to laugh and cry at once so he did just before lunging forward to capture Sherlock's lips in a sweet kiss. It was a bit harsher than John would have wanted but he needed to add that edge to make sure Sherlock really was alive and was here kissing him only yards from were his 'Body' lay buried under the dirt in a dense coffin.

It didn't take him long to pull back gasping, tears of joy still flowed freely down his face. Staring down at a wonderfully disheveled and slightly confused looking Sherlock was one of the best things he had ever seen in his life time.

" You will explain everything later understand?" he got a minute nod, before he continued.

" but right now I'm taking you back to Baker street and I'm having my way with you" before he had time to be afraid for the bluntness of his words a surprised whimper sounding 'thing' came out of the dark haired man's throat was definitively un-Sherlock like... but John liked it a lot.

_(Smut beyond this point, if you're not 17 I hope I scar you for life :__)_

Sherlock hid his face the entire way home but he never let gone of the hand John had intertwined within his own afraid to let go of him in hopes he wouldn't disappear every time he looked away only for him to turn out to be a cruel mirage of sorts. They managed to make it inside managing to not attract any attention not even from Mrs. Hudson who was quiet. The second the door closed to their flat John ripped the shirt from Sherlock's chest buttons flying everywhere as they were practically attached at the mouth, untill both of them were shirtless. John still wearing his trousers while Sherlock was down to his very tented light blue pants.

Shoving Sherlock lightly back onto the bed, crawling slowly on top of the other man as he shimmied out of his trousers and pants in one go as he attacked Sherlock's mouth with renewed vigor quickly shoving his tongue into his mouth when Sherlock gasped at the sudden contact when John gave him a firm rub to the front of the growing bulge in his pants.

It didn't take him long at all after that to have Sherlock layed out beneath him panting and completely naked now as he slowly rubbed small soothing circles around Sherlock's little pucker as his soon to be lover Whimpered and keened above him, apparently Sherlock was _wonderfully _sensitive in that area and he was doing his best to make Sherlock yell his name as he quickly stretches his friend. Loving every loud moan every little gasp, or his favorite the quiet breathy mantra he seemed to have adapted to the past few minutes.

''John, oh, john_, gasp, _oh more please, please John,_gasp_"

He almost regretted when he pulled his fingers out of Sherlock stopping those wonderful pleading words but he quickly reached to the night stand snatching the lube he had out from earlier slicking himself up before slowly easing his way inside Sherlock taking deep breaths as he attempted to stave off his orgasm, directly caused by the amazingly tight heat that was purely Sherlock.

As if by instinct it seemed that Sherlock wrapped his long legs around John's waist as he slowly pulled out and proceeded to push back in slowly increasing in pace as Sherlock's loud calls and him practically keening john's name became to much. Reaching in front of him he grasped Sherlock's erection and gave it a few quick tugs causing the consulting detective to come all over both their stomach's. All it took to push john over the edge was the feeling of Sherlock tightening around him and the breathy call of his name as they both came.

Pulling out softly John crawled his way up the bed stopping to kiss the other man fiercely on the lips wrapping a possessive arm around Sherlock's pale waist whispering in his lovers ear right before he drifted off.

"Explanations tomorrow, so glad your not dead love, I Love you" John quickly passed out right after whether it due to their physical exertions or the emotional stress had been going through he didn't hear Sherlock speak, rather he didn't hear how his voice cracked with sorrow at causing John so much pain.

"I love you too, I love you too"

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This by far is the most depressing bit of fluff I've ever written :D I hope you enjoyed it special shoutout to LizzielizabethTV on youtube who's amazing (make you wanna cry out all you're feels into a sparkly pillow) Johnlock video inspired this sooo here's for you Lizzie :D you should really check it out it's beautiful just look up "Almost lovers Johnlock" come on you know you want to :D by the way it's fixed to the best of my abilities and to be honest people, it's mostly dialog inside John's head... so try to read it like that...


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